My last blog was full of promise and hope and renewed dedication. "The blog is back," I proudly declared. Then, only a few weeks later my entire world came crashing down. Life as I knew it was turned upside down and shook up like a tiny snow globe.
My Grandma, my Mom's mom, my last living grandparent died. It was a slow and miserable death. We all spent time with her. We read to her, played music, talked to her and just held her hand. She just kept crying and asking "Why won't God take me? I just want to go Home." It was hard to watch. She was worrisome and never at peace when she was alive and her death was no different. She finally passed away on February 18, 2011.
Her death was the beginning of the end for me. I had been bottling my feelings and not dealing with my issues for so long that when she finally died, it was like my carefully constructed house of cards came crashing down. I was on my way to a nervous breakdown.
I have always been an outgoing person. I love to go new places, meet new people and experience new adventures. I love being around people and being on the go. In early March that all stopped. I had a series of panic episodes in public places that lead to missing an entire week of work. I couldn't leave the couch. Everything would cause my anxiety to rise. I couldn't go to the store, I couldn't get in a car and sometimes I couldn't even get out of bed. I just didn't care anymore.
6 months later, I have been seeing a psychiatrist, a psychologist and a health coach. I have been on daily doses of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. I have been learning that I have a lot of things to work through. I still have anxiety issues and I still battle with depression and yes, even cutting. But God is good and I have friends and family that support and love me. Slowly, I feel like I am on the road to recovery.
Her death was the beginning of the end for me. I had been bottling my feelings and not dealing with my issues for so long that when she finally died, it was like my carefully constructed house of cards came crashing down. I was on my way to a nervous breakdown.
I have always been an outgoing person. I love to go new places, meet new people and experience new adventures. I love being around people and being on the go. In early March that all stopped. I had a series of panic episodes in public places that lead to missing an entire week of work. I couldn't leave the couch. Everything would cause my anxiety to rise. I couldn't go to the store, I couldn't get in a car and sometimes I couldn't even get out of bed. I just didn't care anymore.
6 months later, I have been seeing a psychiatrist, a psychologist and a health coach. I have been on daily doses of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. I have been learning that I have a lot of things to work through. I still have anxiety issues and I still battle with depression and yes, even cutting. But God is good and I have friends and family that support and love me. Slowly, I feel like I am on the road to recovery.